Faded to Forgotten
by The Orange Jedi
Summary: Book One of the Memory Puzzles Trilogy! Why does it matter what the heart of a Nobody contains? Are memories really lost forever? There's a secret here that Xemnas is keeping, and his selfish motives cost the Organization more than its willing to give up.
1. The New Nobody

ChapterOne:  
The New Nobody

This story begins with the destruction of Roxas. Not Roxas the idea, but Roxas the entity. Naminé had completed her task, and Sora was once again whole. The problem with this was that it further hampered the already minimized Organization, so Xemnas immediately began to scour the worlds for another Nobody to join their ranks. Of course, it couldn't be just any Nobody—it had to be a powerful Nobody, someone who would boost Organization XIII's power.

The Nobody he found was Raxet. This story is about her, and how her part unfolded in the cosmic scheming of the Nobodies who sought Kingdom Hearts.

Raxet was a Nobody of middling height, reaching about five-five when she wore heels. Usually she didn't, though. She normally wore soft, supple leather boots with almost no heel and that made no sound when she walked, and so was normally closer to five-four. She had pale, almost translucent skin, and eyes that were a blue so pale and icy that you could almost feel the wind shift when she met your gaze. Her hair was the green of ancient glaciers and she kept it long, reaching almost to her waist. She bound it back in pigtails behind her head to keep it out of her way, except for two shorter strands in the front, which ran down only to her collar bone, bypassing her cheeks.

The black uniform of Organization XIII fit her well, the murkiness of it accenting the pastel tones of her body. This was what she thought as she examined herself in the full-length mirror on the back of her bedroom door. Her new bedroom. Actually, the only bedroom she ever remembered having. Her bedroom in Castle Oblivion.

When she had arrived that morning she had brought with her three things—the only three things she owned: her weapons. At the moment, they were propped carefully against the wall next to her bed. Besides the bed, there was a lamp and a small closet. That was all the room contained, and all of the colors were mono-chrome grays and blacks. It was almost depressing. She threw herself onto the bed, staring at the white ceiling. She expected that any moment—yeah.

"Raxet!" Xemnas's voice echoed around inside her room, loud and bossy.

"Yeah?" She muttered, not the least thrilled.

"Report!"

"Alright." She muttered. "Yes, sir," She stood, reaching for her weapons. There was a long whip, black and tasseled at the end. She wrapped it into a loop at her right, binding it on her waist where she could easily grab it. Then she took her scimitars and slid them into sheaths across her back. They seemed to disappear, but she could still feel their familiar weight, comfortable between her shoulder blades.

"Raxet!" Xemnas insisted again.

"I'm _coming_!" She yelled back.

"I was only going to tell you, I sent Naminé to guide you to the commons area for the meeting." She ignored him, opening the door. Naminé was, indeed, waiting for her outside.

"Hello, Raxet. I'm Naminé," Naminé said. Raxet looked her up and down.

"Nice uniform."

"Xemnas likes it, too," Naminé shrugged.

"I'm sure he does," Raxet straightened her robes self-consciously.

They walked in silence, Naminé in the lead and Raxet trailing close behind, memorizing the route so as not to lose her way later. Naminé pushed her way through a door, and Raxet followed, stopping just inside the doorway. The entirety of Organization XIII stood there, waiting for her.

"Thank you, Naminé. You're excused. Please go to your room." Naminé nodded and turned to walk back up the stairs. Raxet watched her go with a measure of curiosity. "Gentlemen, this is Raxet. She's the new Nobody XIII." Xemnas introduced her casually, gesturing at her.

Raxet crossed her arms. "You didn't tell me you were going to showcase me," she challenged him.

"I'm not showcasing you, darling. I'm introducing you to your team mates," And he did—one by one, he named the members of Organization XIII.

"Xigbar, Xaldin, Saix, Axel, Demyx, and Luxord."

"I thought you needed me because we don't have thirteen members." She looked around. Counted. "I see…six, then you, me, and Naminé."

"Naminé is a Nobody, but she is not part of our organization."

"I see. So. Organization XIII has eight members. Brilliant."

"Several of our members have Faded. One is a traitor. Be sure that this does not happen to you—as you can tell, it is difficult to replace Nobodies as powerful as yourself."

"Powerful, Xemnas?" Axel, a tall red-head who was lounging against a wall scoffed openly, "She looks like she might be able to kill a level one heartless. Might. If someone was there to help her."

Xemnas started to say something, but Raxet held up her hand to let him know that she would totally handle this. "You have a problem, Axel?" Of course she had remembered his name. She knew all their names. Her entire mind was blank as a fresh memory card—capable of holding a ridiculous amount of information. Xemnas had explained to her that the Nobody she was now was the result of a Somebody somewhere being turned into a Heartless, but because they had spent little time as such, she had no memory of either transformation, and her Somebody was running around without the piece of it that was Raxet.

"Yeah, Razer, I do."

"Rah-zay." She corrected, calmly. "And kindly state your problem."

"I think it's crap that you're in the Organization. I'm worried you might break a nail."

"One of yours?"

"You bitch!" He jumped off the wall. "What makes you think you're—"

He was cut off as Xigbar laid a hand on his shoulder and pulled him back. "Down boy. Leave her alone."

"I don't mind." Raxet shrugged. "If he wants, I can duel him. I'll prove I'm worthy of the Organization. Unless you really are worried about your nails."

"It's on, whore,"

"Alright, fine." Xemnas stepped back, motioning the others to do the same. A glowing white circle appeared on the floor. "Kindly keep your battle within the borders of that circle, if you please,"

But Raxet and Axel had already begun, Raxet having unbound her whip from her side, and Axel summoning his chakram in a whirl of flame.

"So you're a pyro." Raxet noted, coolly. "Interesting. This'll be fun." She stood at her ease, as if unconcerned that Axel had in both hands flaming wheels of sharp, spiky, spinning, scorching doom.

"Are you just gonna stand there all day? I thought you weren't scared!" Axel yelled at her over the roaring of his weapons.

"I'm not." She smiled, and suddenly it was as if someone had opened a freezer. Icy mist surrounded both combatants, hiding them from the view of the observers, and from each other.

"Razer! That's not very fair!" Axel called out with a small laugh, aiming his left chakran at where he thought he saw her move. She wasn't there, though, and he sliced uselessly through the mist. Suddenly he felt her whip pulled taught across his throat, not cutting off the air to breathe, but tight enough to let him know she was in control. She had managed to get up to his level by allowing platforms of ice to form under the bottom of her leather boots.

"I'm sorry," She laughed softly in his ear, feeling him tense up. "Did you want me to play fair?" She slid her whip across his throat, the snap of the tassel slapping his cheek as it went past. The ice on her shoes disappeared as she zipped around—impossibly fast—in front of him. "You should have made some rules before we began if you were going to be a baby."

Axel laughed, his cheek stinging. "I can beat you without rules." He spun his chakran at her, hoping to catch her with both of them, because she seemed to have no way of blocking—her only weapon was that silly whip and a little bit of frosty air. He didn't even need to use his pyrotechnics to beat her.

She lashed out with her whip, snapping it around the chakran in his left hand. She jerked hard, pulling him off his balance. He steadied himself, but had lost the use of his left chakran because she was holding the whip taught, rendering his weapon immobile. But this didn't bother him. It forced them into close quarters, giving him the advantage. Her weapon was tied up with his, and he still had one chakran free. He raised his arm to bring his right chakran down on her head, swinging with full might, ready to crush her skull in his flames. She met his gaze calmly, holding up a hand—as if that would stop his spinning blades!

His arm jolted painfully as the chakran connected with something solid. He glanced out of the corner of his eye—somehow, a scimitar had materialized in her fist, and the blade was entangled in his chakran. "Dammit." He said, eyes widening. She could have materialized that and stuck him before he'd known what had hit him. Stupid, thinking she'd go into battle with only a whip.

"We seem to have reached a stalemate," Raxet said, looking up at him. They were pressed together, their arms extended out, locked with each other's weapons. Axel felt her breath, cold on his face.

"You didn't strike me as this kind of girl, Razzy," Axel laughed down at her, pulling his right chakran free and bringing the point to gently jab her in the side. "You seemed so much more mature." He pulled back, preparing to actually hit her.

"Hold." She said, her sword dissipating. She unraveled her whip from his left chakran and placed it at her side as she stepped back, calm.

"Your point. I lose." She bowed to him respectfully.

"No shit." He had never seen a duel where the loser went away unbloodied. What sort of game was she playing? Whatever. He put his chakran away and crossed his arms warily.

"Even for Thirteenth, you're pathetic." He spat.

"Silence, Axel." Xemnas stepped forward again. "She is more than a worthy replacement for Roxas—her skills exceed his and you know it."

"No one's better than Roxas!" Axel insisted. "He just used to play stupid so you guys would lay off!"  
"Be careful, friend." Xemnas glared Axel down. "Do not make his treachery your own."

"As if. He was…he was a fool." Axel sighed. "Whatever. Let the chick stay."

"I'm so glad I have your approval." Raxet said dryly. "Since it seems your opinion holds so much weight."

"Shut up, Razer." Axel glowered at her.

"Raxet—familiarize yourself with the castle. Axel, since you're so thrilled to have her on our team, you will assist her."

"Xemnas!" Demyx spoke up hesitantly. "That…er…that might be a bad idea…." He finished, lamely.

"You think they need a supervisor? Probably." Xemnas pointed to Xigbar. "Accompany them and make sure they don't destroy Castle Oblivion."

"Sure," Xigbar shrugged.

"This is shit," Axel muttered, glancing at Raxet, who seemed to have absolutely no interest in seeing the castle.

"Kind of him to volunteer, wasn't it Xigbar?" she stage-whispered to Xigbar as Axel stalked off, Xigbar and Raxet tailing him.

"His own fault," Xigbar shrugged. "For making a scene."

"Hurry up!" Axel yelled back at them, "I ain't got all day and this damn place is huge!"


	2. The Sensation of Memory

Chapter Two:  
The Sensation of Memory

They'd been touring the castle for almost two hours when they arrived back at point A. Axel emerged through the door first, clutching at his sides and laughing uncontrollably. Xigbar was hiding a smile, but it seemed that he, too, was secretly amused. Raxet was not laughing.

"You realize," She told Axel icily, "That this means I have to cut it." She was examining the end of her left pigtail, which was smoking.

"Those look stupid anyway," Axel laughed. "You're just ASKING someone to yank them."

"At least they used to look like HAIR, you bastard." Raxet coolly glared, "While YOURS looks like you got drunk and allowed yourself to be raped by a mad cosmetologist."

Axel was having too much fun engraving her outraged face and smoldering hair in his memory to reply, or even to let her insults rile him.

"Anyway," He laughed, "You've seen the whole godforsaken castle." And he opened a door-to-darkness and disappeared, his laughter echoing in the hall for a moment longer.

"Bastard," Raxet said again, looking at Xigbar for confirmation. Xigbar only shrugged and disappeared.

"They're all bastards." She raised her eyebrows as she revealed this to herself and threw her pigtail over her shoulder. She made her way back to her room—on foot; she had no idea how to use a darkness-door—and took her scimitars to her hair. The result was a choppy look, almost uncontrolled. Her new locks fell halfway down her slender neck and tapered in all different directions. Her bangs she left long, and she brushed them back, hesitant to cut them shorter and hating them in her way.

"Damn him," She said to her mirror, glaring at her new cut. It actually looked rather good, but she refused to admit that Axel may have done her a favor with his practical-joking.

Finished with that, and waiting on an assignment from Xemnas, she wondered what it was that Organization Nobodies did in their spare time. None of them had been in the castle—they must be out exploring the worlds. She'd look into that later. Not knowing how to use a darkness-door was frustrating—Axel made it look _sooo _easy—and knowing nothing about the worlds in the universe…such ignorance could be crippling later. Of course, she could just _ask _someone to teach her (Naminé had seemed nice enough) but that would be akin to admitting she was helpless. No, she'd figure things out on her own—even if it took a little time.

For now, she sat on her bed. Then she pulled out her scimitars and began to polish them, testing the edges. When she found they weren't sharp enough to suit her, she began to temper the edges with ice. She had almost finished that when quite suddenly there was a ringing in her ears.

She set her swords aside, raising her hands to her head. The ringing magnified, its volume overwhelming her. She fell back onto her bed, shrieking, hoping to drown the sound out with her own voice. Just when she thought her head would explode from the pain, a new, sharper hurt seized her chest. She dropped one hand from her head to grasp at her robes, massaging the area where there was pain. She rolled off the bed and landed with a thunk on the floor, her screams growing louder and louder as the pain refused to dissipate.

It seemed to last forever. Maybe it did. Perhaps it was really only a matter of seconds. It did not end quickly or suddenly, as it had come upon her, either. The pain seemed to melt slowly away, leaving her shaking and hot on the floor in her room, staring at the hilt of a scimitar that was only inches away from her nose. She was breathless and trembling, and it felt like she couldn't move. She was almost afraid to try.

There was a knock at her door and Naminé peeked her head in shyly. She saw Raxet on the floor and dashed forward, crouching next to her. Naminé rolled Raxet over, so that she could see her eyes.

"Raxet! What happened?"

"I don't….know…" Raxet's tongue was heavy. It was hard to talk. "It's so hot in here…" She muttered.

"Raxet!" Naminé's eyes widened—Raxet's edges had gone blurry and dark, as if pieces of her were trying to pull away. "Raxet, you're Fading!" She shook Raxet, as if that would help. "Xemnas! Xemnas!" She yelled, calling out to the darkness in the room. "Xemnas!"

"What? I'm busy, Naminé!" Xemnas pulled out of a darkness-door with his arms crossed and an expression of tested impatience implanted on his visage. "Dammit!" He noticed Raxet fairly quickly, since she was glowing with a black light. "Naminé, what happened?"  
"I don't know—I thought I heard something and I came in and—"

Xemnas crouched, touching his fingers to Raxet's forehead. "Raxet—Raxet! Remember yourself, Raxet. Your Somebody's trying to take you back. You'll Fade into nothing and disappear!"

"That's not true--!" Naminé protested. "She'd be who—"

"Shut up, Naminé!" Xemnas pushed her back, away from Raxet.

"I don't…want to disappear…" Raxet whispered, her eyes unfocused.

"Then remember yourself. Raxet. Raxet." Xemnas kept his hand on her forehead, channeling darkness into her body. "You are Raxet. The Thirteenth Nobody. Raxet. What's your name? Who are you?"

"Raz….." She started weakly, uncertain, as if she had forgotten.

"You're disappearing!" Xemnas told her, his tone full of warning. "Who are you?"

"What's your true name?" Naminé asked, leaning forward. "You'll be who—"

"I told you to shut up!" Xemnas pushed her back again and she fell, hitting the dresser with a light thud.

"Ow!" She protested. "It's true!" Xemnas shot her a look and she fell silent, sulking.

"What's your name, Raxet? Who are you?"

"Raz…Raxet." She sounded surer now. "Raxet."

"Once more. Who are you?"

"Raxet!" She said, firmly. Her edges seemed to solidify, and the tension fled the room quickly. Xemnas stood, removing his hand from her brow.

"That was close, darling." He told her, sounding disapproving.

"It hurt." She said, gathering her bearings and sitting up stiffly. "My chest—"

"Where your heart was?"

"Yes…"

"You were remembering. Your Somebody wants to take you back and they were trying to join with you. You almost disappeared."

"I won't. I won't disappear."

"You'd be whole—" Naminé started again.

"But you'd be forgotten. It would be as if Raxet never existed." Xemnas made a motion and Naminé fell through a darkness-door.

"I don't want to be forgotten!" Raxet stood up, stamping her foot, as if that made her point clearer. "I want to be whole—but I want to be whole as ME."

"Which is why you're a part of Organization XIII. Should your Somebody search for you again, remember your name. Hold on to the part of you that is Raxet and you will remain yourself. It will hurt, sometimes. The stronger the memory, the more painful the recollection."

"But I didn't remember anything!" Raxet protested. "Nothing at all!"

"You drove it away." He shrugged. "Remembering something brings a link between you and your Somebody—soon you would start to merge. You are a lucky Nobody—you have no past other than your own."

"But…I need a past. I have none. God dammit, Xemnas!" She punched a wall hard enough to bust three of her knuckles, and blood oozed down her fingers as she winced. She leaned her head against the color-less paper and swore again.

"You get used to it." Xemnas assured her. "I have to go, darling. I'm a busy man. The Keyblade bearer has entered into the Land of the Dragons, and so our plan has been put into motion. Soon, Kingdom Hearts will be ours, and we will all be Whole, as ourselves, not as a part of someone else." He faded backwards into a door-to-darkness, leaving her alone again.

She swore at nothing as she sucked on her bleeding knuckles. She hoped that the plan to become Whole—the plan Xemnas was so proud of—worked out, and quickly; she had barely been a Nobody for a day, and already it was physical and emotional torture.


	3. She Froze the Dance

**Chapter three:  
She Froze the Dance**

"Demyx?" Raxet scared the boy, who had been scribbling something on what appeared to be almost-blank sheet music. He jumped, then scooped his papers up possessively, opening a hatch in the side of his sitar and hiding them quickly.

"Raxet! I…didn't hear you coming!" He was blushing, and looked aside nervously, as if he didn't want to meet her eyes.

"I didn't mean to sneak up on you," She apologized. "What were you doing?"

"…nothing." He shrugged, pulling his sitar back into his lap and motioning for her to take a seat next to him. She waved his offer aside.

"So you're not busy, then?"

"Not really," He answered. "What…er…what do you need?" He looked up, still not meeting her eyes. "I heard about yesterday—how you almost Faded. Are you alright?"

"Fine." She waved that aside, too. "It was a lesson of inexperience. I need a favor."

"Sure," He smiled good-naturedly. "Anything!"

"I need a sparring partner." She watched his face not only fall, but blanch. "Is that a problem?" She asked, concerned.

"No, no…I just…I'm not very good."

"Naminé told me you were excellent—just shy. I thought we could both benefit."

"I'm not…" He trailed off. He was…he could be considered shy. Color returned to his face, reddening his cheeks again. "What…did you have in mind?"

"Spar with me," She told him again with a grin. "Just let me see what you can do."

"You're excellent, though! You weren't even trying with Axel yesterday! It showed—" he stuttered nervously.

"I could improve. So can you. Please, Demyx! It's important!" She made him look her in the eye, his anxious, watery gaze frozen in her own confident ice.

"I….I….I….er…alright…I guess…."

Raxet clapped her hands girlishly. "Thank you Demyx!" He smiled shyly, glad to have pleased her, even if it had made him uncomfortable. She grabbed his hands, pulling him up.

"Right now?" He asked, not resisting and yet sounding hesitant.

"Do you mind? I thought you weren't busy?"

"I'm not…" He looked at his sitar, then slung it on his back. "…um…here?"

"No, silly! We'd damage the upholstery. Open a door—we can fight out in the worlds."

"er…like where?"

"It doesn't matter." Raxet was still smiling, hiding the fact that she didn't know any of the worlds.

"Er….I guess…we could see if the Coliseum is open. I hear Hercules is using it a lot lately, but…er…..we could probably borrow it for a while…"

"Excellent!" Raxet put her hands on her hips, watching him.

"But…bu…alright…" Demyx smiled, folding at last, reaching behind him to open a door-to-darkness. He held his hand in it, and waved her though. She tried not to appear timid, hesitating only a moment before stepping boldly through. Demyx followed, closing the door behind them.

Raxet looked around. The place was completely unfamiliar. She didn't approve of the decorator at all. It was lots of sand and debris—what _had_ happened here? She coughed—the dust was still trying to settle. It smelled like blood. Raxet wrinkled her nose.

"The Keyblade Bearer has been here." Demyx told her, drawing closer to her, subconsciously protective. "It's not safe."

"Nonsense!" She waved him off. "It looks to me as though it's been abandoned."

"…." Demyx continued to peer around, "Maybe. I think…most people went to the Underworld Arena."

"Underworld--?"

"Er…it's sort of like this, only more dangerous…and…not busted up."

"So we should fight there?"

"No! It's a dangerous place for anybody but Hades—the owner."

"….." Raxet brushed dust off her cloak. "We can't fight here."

"….I…er….Alright, come on. I know another place in the Underworld we can go."

"Yes!" Raxet grinned, wrapping her fingers up in her whip.

Demyx opened another door, which seemed to lead into a misty, blue-hued, dark place. Raxet stepped smartly through, Demyx following again. They were in a cave-like spot, with walls that rose to forever above them, and a circular floor that was impossibly smooth.

Raxet pulled out her scimitars, leaving her whip bound at her side.

"Now, Demyx?"

"Hold on!" Demyx tossed her something. She caught it clumsily, having to juggle swords to free her hand. "Don't go anywhere in the Underworld without that."

"Why not?" Raxet examined the strange object—a circular pendant, engraved with a lightning bolt. She slid it into her cloak pocket. It was heavy, and beat against her thigh when she moved.

"Just don't. Keep it for me, will you? My pockets are full."

"Er…alright. Can we fight _now_?"

"Yeah. Come on." He braced himself as she approached, her blades swinging. He struck a chord on his Sitar, and a water figure appeared murkily behind her, pulling at her hood.

"Hey!" She swung around, slicing through it, causing it to disappear. It was replaced by dozens. "Doppelgangers?" She looked over her shoulder at Demyx, who was plucking nimbly at the strings of the sitar, "Sweet."

She held up the blade of her left scimitar, blowing on it. A thin sheet of ice formed along the metal, and she pivoted to stick it in the midst of the dancing doppelgangers. The ice spread among them, freezing their motion, though the water within them struggled desperately beneath the thick icy exterior.

Then she turned to Demyx. She scored twice, once with each blade, and deeply. She gaped, pulling back, thinking he would have blocked. He raised his sitar to strike her, and was somehow faster, though she tried to dodge. But his weapon passed right through her. She scrambled back awkwardly, putting her scimitars away.

Demyx collapsed, clutching at his wounds, which closed up quickly, but left him weakened.

"Demyx!" Raxet knelt next to him, appalled. "What—why didn't you block!"

"I did." He muttered, forcing himself to his feet, chivalrously offering her a hand. "But…I told you it was dangerous down here! The normal rules don't apply…" He winced as she prodded his side experimentally.

"Dammit I'm sorry!" She was genuinely upset, biting her lip so hard as to turn the skin white.

"It's alright—I'm not dead…" he began, suddenly stopping, whirling around to peer at down a long corridor that snaked off from behind a large pile of conveniently placed rocks. "Give me the stone back," He held his hand out behind him. "Then go back to the Castle." Raxet complied, handing him the stone without complaint.

"Um…why?"

"Just go."  
"Demyx…." She bit her lip again. "I…er…I can't open a door." He turned to look at her, agape.

"…really?"

"Why would I lie about being lame?" She snapped.

"It's not lame. It's a good thing, actually. Here," He produced the door for her, keeping it open with his foot. "Hurry, alright? Tell Xemnas that Sora's in the Underworld."

"Sora?" She asked, "Who's—"  
"Hey!" A deep gravelly voice drifted down the hall, "I heard something over here!"

"Auron? Down there?" A higher pitched voice—the voice of an adolescent boy—asked, sounding exasperated.

"A-hyuk…must be…looks kinda scary, doncha know…" and what the crap? Who talked like _THAT_?

"Go!" Demyx gave Raxet a small shove, pushing her through the door and then removing his foot.

Raxet stumbled, trying to regain her balance. Xemnas caught her gently, steadying her, and looking down with an odd expression. "Where have you been?" He asked, his voice soft. She met his gaze, and her chest throbbed. Something tickled in the back of her head.

"Sora's reached the Underworld." She told him, her voice shaking. Something felt wrong, and she didn't know why.


	4. Conversation Pieces

**Chapter Four: **

**Conversation Pieces**

"You went to the Underworld?" Xemnas eyed her with a strange expression—concern?

"Demyx took me—" she began, defensively, but he interrupted her.

"That's different," He sighed, tension leaving him.

Raxet relaxed too, examining her surroundings. She had emerged through the darkness door right into Xemnas' office. He had been standing at a bookshelf when he'd caught her—a bookshelf that covered two entire walls! In the middle of the room was a large white desk, stacked high with notes and papers. The wall behind the desk was overpowered by a large computer screen—which at the moment was displaying footage from a world Raxet almost felt like she knew.

"Why does it matter?" She asked. Why was it 'different' because she'd gone with Demyx? She crossed her arms.

"Because you don't know anything about…well, frankly, darling, anything." He uncrossed her arms, holding her bloody knuckles up to his eyes. "You're bleeding, darling." One of the scabs must have popped off during the brief scuffle with Demyx.

"It's fine," She jerked her hand away, feeling uncomfortable. The way he kept saying 'darling' struck a chord somewhere deep inside her, caused a nerve to go off in her chest. It felt wrong.

Xemnas motioned to a chair, but she declined, waving him away with her bloody hand. He sighed, walking around behind his desk to open a drawer. He pulled out a long black sheet that could have been a ribbon.

"I don't have any bandages," He apologized, "But let me wrap that up before you get blood on my research." She curled her lip, but allowed him to bind her hand. As he wrapped, he told her, "Don't leave the castle without an escort. And check with me, first."

"I don't know…nothing!" She muttered in his general direction, slightly angry.

"You are learning," He allowed.

"Whatever!" She pulled away, her hand finished, turning to leave. He was back beside her in an instant, clutching back at her hand, pulling her back to him.

"Please, darling. You're valuable to m-….to the Organization. We have to take good care of you." His smile was sickly, though. He was trying to appear endearing, but his actions were making her head throb.

"I can take care of myself." She hissed after a moment, jerking her hand away again and storming out. This time he did not stop her. She could feel his eyes boring holes in her back as she slammed his door, shuddering.

"Now, now, Raz…" Axel's melodramatic drawl alerted her to his presence. Hew as leaning against the stairwell right outside the door; she had almost rammed into him. "You shouldn't slam the boss's door like that—even if he _does_ try to molest you."

"He couldn't if he tried," She snapped, annoyed.

"Gotta suck, Razer," Axel continued, as if he hadn't heard, "Not leaving without checking in with your sugar daddy, I mean. And taking an armed escort. Bad enough being a Nobody…but a prisoner? Woah!" he caught her fist as she swung at his face, steadied her so she didn't fall down the stairs.

"Bastard," she hissed at him, jerking away.

"Just call 'em like I see 'em, Raz." He shrugged, "It's lame. He's an ass." He snapped his fingers in front of her nose, a small flame birthed from the motion. "Watch yourself around him." He turned to open the door, then looked back at her over his shoulder, "By the way, Naminé was looking for you." Axel pulled open the door to the office, entering and then closing it firmly behind him.

Raxet stood there a moment, flabbergasted. Glancing down the stairs, she groaned aloud. There were at least two hundred, and the staircase wound tightly. She began her grumbling descent, sticking close to the wall in case she'd slip and need to grab the handrail.

About one-fourth of the way down, she heard a loud crash above her. She looked back up the stairs, curiously. Snippets of loud, angry conversation drifted down to her.

"Why? Here…this…now!" Axel's yells were like roaring flames, whipping around her so fast she could only understand a few words, and then she had to listen closely.

"Him…fool! Traitor…friend…loyalty!" Xemnas' yells were just as incoherent. What were they talking about? These words didn't piece together.

"Bastard…you knew…heartless…Nobody…She'll…love….you!"

Love? What did love have to do with anything? With Kingdom Hearts and recovering the ability to be whole? Raxet didn't care to hear anymore of this; her ears were ringing and her chest was throbbing almost as painfully as it had the day before. She bit her lip to distract her, and began trying to think of a quicker way down the stairs than walking.

There had to be a faster—of course. She knelt, pressing her palms to the stairs. A sheet of ice rendered the steps a ramp of ice, all the way up and down in both directions. She grinned and got a running start, sliding down the ramp like a surfer, her hair flying wildly behind her.

It was an excellent mood-booster, and by the time she stopped, most of her anger had dissipated into loud laughter. Raxet skidded to a stop at the bottom, running a hand through her hair in a useless effort to tame it. Axel had mentioned Naminé had wanted to see her. That was fine. She'd just go find Naminé—not like she had anything better to do.

As she started down the hallway that would lead her to another set of stairs—this time leading up—she heard another crash from the stairwell behind her. She didn't turn to look, simply kept walking down the dark hall.

"God DAMN it!" A loud, obnoxious voice intoned.

"Oopsies…" She muttered, allowing an innocent smile to play across her face.


	5. Namine's Knowledge

**Chapter Five:**

**Naminé's Knowledge**

Raxet tapped on Naminé's door lightly, and it opened from inside, Naminé smiling up at her.

"Axel said you were looking for me?"

"Yes, I was. Come in," She held the door open and then closed it behind Raxet.

Naminé's room was nice, spacious. Lots of white, everywhere. In fact, Raxet couldn't find any black at all, except on the pictures—all well-done in a variety of crayons and pastels—that plastered the wall and the table and even the floor. Raxet was careful not to trod on them as she made way over to the chair Naminé offered her. She sat, scooping up a stack of the drawings and flipping through them.

"Xigbar, Axel, Xemnas, Axel, Axel, Demyx, Xemnas, Saix, Demyx, Axel and…um…who's this?" She held one up—it was a young man in the Organization uniform, his spiky blonde hair protruding in every direction.

"His name was Roxas."

"Was? Oh, wait, was he one of the ones who Faded?" Raxet looked back at the picture, studying it.

"Roxas…didn't Fade. He became whole." Naminé told her, sitting down across from her.

"So…." She met Naminé's eyes, wanting a straight answer. "He was the one that betrayed the Organization?"

"Xemnas thinks so." Naminé shrugged. "I don't think it's treachery to follow your own dreams. But Xemnas will say that a Nobody doesn't have the right to dream—that our only right is to follow the Organization, because that's our only hope."

"But you don't think that?"

"No. That's what I wanted to talk to you about. The other day—when you almost Faded—" why did people keep bringing that up? "Xemnas told you that you would disappear."

"Yeah. I don't want that to happen."

"But you won't disappear—I was trying to tell you that. You would rejoin with your…he called it your Somebody, right? You'd rejoin with them—you'd be whole, like you used to be!"

"I don't want to be forgotten. If I join my somebody, I won't be me anymore."

"You're having a conflict of desires. You say you want to be whole, but you want also to be you?"

Raxet set the papers on the table, stacking them neatly. "I just…I hate this empty feeling inside. But I can't remember any of what it was like before. I don't want to go BACK to something I don't recall."

"So you're afraid?"  
"Terrified."

"…." Naminé pondered this for a minute. "You know…I remember…being whole. I think we all do. Roxas didn't—and he was the only one so far who has found a way aside from Fading…a way to be whole."

"Roxas didn't remember either?"

"His situation was similar to yours—his Somebody was a heartless for so very short a time that when he was 'born' he had no memories. His Somebody kept them all. Your Somebody has your memories—if you'd join with her, you'd get them back."

"But…I would lose me."

"You'd be a piece. You're a piece now—like the corner of a puzzle hiding under the couch. You don't become less of what you are just to join the whole."

"I'm not a puzzle piece, Naminé. I'm a person. And I don't want to Fade."

Naminé was silent for a minute, considering. "I understand…that you're scared. I am, too. I want so much to join with who I used to be. I will, once I find her. Xemnas is working very hard to keep us apart so I can't do that."

"Why do you work for him, anyway?"

"I don't have a choice." Naminé shrugged, "And besides, this way…I'll get to see Sora before I conjoin with my Somebody. I'd like to do that once more…as Naminé."

"I thought you said we wouldn't lose ourselves!" Raxet snapped. She was confused and frightened. Naminé was making her _more_ confused and frightened.

"I don't think we will," Naminé sighed. "It's just so complicated. I can only tell you what Diz told me, and you aren't believing me."  
"Who's Diz?"

"A friend," Naminé shrugged. "Xemnas doesn't like him, either."

"He's probably a Nazi."

Naminé laughed. "He's Roxas' friend, too."

"Roxas was a traitor."

"Says Xemnas." Naminé contradicted, "But his agenda is not for the good of the Organization."

"Then what is it?" Raxet asked, frustrated, "Why doesn't someone just out and tell me everything that is going on?"

Naminé looked at her with pity. "Do you really think it's that simple? Or that it would change anything? That you deserve to have someone sit down and tell you every little thing? Yours isn't the only future involved, you know. No, you have to do what you can with the information you can gather yourself."

Raxet sighed, putting her head in her hands, the ribbon rubbing against her sensitive knuckles. "Naminé…you're just a little kid…"

"I'm young, but so are you. You can't be much older than me…two, three years at most."

"I…."

"It's ok, Raxet. Being uncertain is part of being a Nobody."

"I hate it."

"We all do." Naminé picked up a pencil and began to sketch as they talked. Actually, they didn't talk for almost the next five minutes. Naminé was intent on her work, and Raxet was deep in her own thoughts.

"Naminé….what is Xemnas trying to do…with Kingdom Hearts, I mean?"

"He says he's going to use it to restore hearts to us without forcing us to join. He may or may not be sincere. He has a history of being…self-absorbed. I don't think you have too much to worry about, though."

"Why not?"

"He chose you…to be the Thirteenth Nobody. There…well…there's really…." She stopped drawing, putting her chin on her fist as if pondering deeply. "There weren't supposed to be any replacements. You must mean something very…deep…something important. I think Axel knows."

"Axel?"

"He…when I asked him if he knew where you were….I don't know. He's always been strange, but…maybe I'm wrong. It could just be that he hates you."

"Axel? Or Xemnas?"

"Axel. Xemnas…well, I don't know. That's something I don't quite understand yet."

"Yet?"

"Give me time. I have nothing better to do, these days. Drawing, thinking, hoping…"

"Why don't you work?"

"Work?" Naminé went back to her picture. "I can't do anything useful to them, anymore. I've done my piece, so they keep me around."

"What did you do?"

"I'm a witch, with power over Sora's memory."

"Sora?"

"The Keyblade Master. I screwed with his memory a bit…to get Xemnas some time, to get Xemnas some power…And because I'm entirely too selfish. I realized my mistake and replaced them. That's probably why Xemnas is put out with me at the moment. Look." She held up the picture she'd been doing. A black cloaked figure stood at ease, a long whip trailing from crossed arms to the floor, her cowl thrown back, revealing messy green hair and a confident smile.

"I think you'll be alright, Raxet. Everything will work out, one way or the other."


	6. Demyx's Return

**Chapter Six: **

Demyx's Return

Raxet walked slowly through the halls of Castle Oblivion, contemplating Naminé's words. There was so much she didn't understand, so many more questions she wanted to ask. But Naminé had dismissed her after showing her the picture, telling Raxet that she had no more to say—her knowledge had all been drained. Unfortunate timing.

Raxet rubbed her sore hand, her boots scuffing quietly as she dragged her feet. She didn't feel like climbing the separate staircase that led to her room—her tiny, colorless room—so she sank into a corner in the main room of the castle, the room where all the stairs connected. She leaned her head against the wall and sighed deeply.

Raxet was fairly preoccupied with her self-pity, but not quite so absorbed that when a darkness door opened in the middle of the room, and Demyx fell through, bloody and blurred around the edges, she didn't notice. She leapt quickly to her feet and sprinted over to him. She caught him before he hit the ground, his blood quickly dampening her dark uniform.

"Demyx!" She gasped, supporting almost his entire weight. She knelt quickly, lowering his head to her lap. "What happened?" she wiped blood off his face with her sleeve.

"Raxet?" Demyx squinted, trying to focus his gaze. "Where am I?"

"Castle Oblivion. Demyx, what happened?"

Demyx laughed, then winced, the action causing him pain. His left hand covered a wound in his chest, grasping it, trying to keep the liquid life from oozing away between his fingers. His other hand clutched his sitar, refusing to relinquish it, even when Raxet tried to pry it away.

"The…Keyblade bearer…he's strong."

"Demyx…Sora? Is that who hurt you? Sora?"

"Yeah…I'm alright…just…weak." He laughed again, blood flecking his lips. Raxet looked around helplessly. She couldn't carry him herself, and there was no-one around to help her.

"I've got to get you help…" She whispered, brushing stray hairs out of his face. He was burning with fever, and the touch of his skin scorched her icy flesh. She hissed quietly but didn't complain.

"I'm…fine. I'm not Fading…"

"Of course…" She slid her arms underneath his, standing slowly, dragging him up with her. "Can you walk? Lean on me…"

He tried to put his feet underneath him and stumbled. She caught him again, sliding under his arm.

"Thanks…" He coughed.

"It's fine." She grunted, staggering slightly under his weight.

"Raz? What're—" Axel rounded the corner after climbing up a set of stairs. Raxet swore under her breath, Demyx turning to look at her curiously. Why did it have to be Axel, she wondered. And why did it matter that it was Axel? Why did that guy piss her off so much? He made her chest hurt, more even than Xemnas did.

"Damnit, woman!" Axel dropped the papers he was carrying. They scattered, but he didn't gather them back. He rushed forward instead, jerking Demyx's sitar away forcefully and positioning himself under Demyx's other arm.

"Shit, Raz! What'd he do to you that you beat him up so bad!"

"Rah. Zay." She told him forcefully, gritting her teeth. "Nothing. I mean. Damn you! I didn't do it! Sora did!"

"Sora? You let that kid get to you, Demmy?" Axel glanced at Demyx, who had closed his eyes and was breathing raggedly.

"I think he's…gotten better…since…" He didn't finish his sentence. Axel had stumbled, jogging Demyx and causing him to choke.

"Ow…" Demyx protested weakly.

"Sorry, man," Axel nudged Raxet forward, and they began to drag their companion to the staircase.

"Is he gonna be alright?" Raxet asked as they closed the door to Demyx's room a little while later.

"Probably. He looked pretty stable." Axel examined the ceiling, his arms crossed and his posture tense. What had she done to make him angry? Or was he upset about his friend?

"Hey!" They both turned, reaching for the doorknob. Raxet smacked Axel's hand away and opened it, leaning her head in, Axel pushing her aside and doing the same.

"What!" They asked, almost in unison to Demyx's shout.

"I…er….I just wanted my sitar…" He muttered, surprised at their vehement response.

"I'll get it!" Axel and Raxet glared at each other.

"Stop that, bitch!"

"You stop, you useless bastard!" They ducked out of the door, snapping at each other. Demyx made a face.

"Oops," He muttered.

"I got it!" Raxet had slid down the banister, scooping at Demyx's sitar as she hit the floor.

"Damnit!" Axel tripped over the bottom stair and fell on his face, grinding his nose into the tiles.

"I'll take it up to him—" Axel stuck his foot out to catch Raxet as she started to run back up the stairs. She fell, hitting the stairs squarely.

"You bastard!" she muttered, wiping blood off her chin. "That actually hurt."

"It was meant to, Razzy-poo," Axel jerked at the sitar, but she wouldn't let go.

"He asked me to get it—" she protested, holding the bridge with both hands.

"If you go in there the poor guy'll die of hormone rush."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She kicked him, pulling the sitar with her, out of his hands.

"It means you turn him on, bitch!" Axel yelled, dodging her foot and kicking at her face. She swerved, avoiding his boot, which threw him off balance. He caught himself on the banister, unable to stop his foot, which threw out, catching a pedestal and knocking it over.

"Shit!" Axel swore, staring at it. Raxet also stared. Axel recovered first, and jerked the sitar away. "Look what you did, idiot!" He yelled behind him as he sprinted up the stairs.

"Bastard!" She yelled after him, starting to follow, then stopping and staring at the smashed pedestal. "Damnit."

"You're gonna pay," She muttered, glaring at his back as he faded into the darkness of the closed staircase. She waved a hand at the broken marble, and it floated back into place, a thin sheen of ice holding it together from the outside.

_"You know, Xemnas won't care,"_ Raxet jumped.

"Luxord!" She protested.

"Sorry. Just thought I'd tell you that Xemnas wouldn't give a rat's ass about that pedestal."

"You tell me this after I fix it?" She grumbled.

"Sorry." He shrugged again. "Here," He tossed her a white handkerchief. A small club wasembroidered inone corner."Wipe your face—you're bleeding."

"Thanks," she muttered, dabbing at her lip, "What're you doing, sneaking around the castle?"

"Taking bets," Luxord grinned. "You want in?"

"What're we betting on?"

"Lots of things—but mostly how many Heartless Sora will kill before he gets here. Or, you could bet on how long it'll take him, or how many times King Mickey will have to save his sorry ass, or—" Raxet held up a hand, stopping him.

"Not interested, Luxord,"

"Oh, come on! I know you could use the munny!"

"I'd rather keep my investments to myself than gamble—especially on that rotten Keyblade bearer."

"_Suite_ yourself," Luxord shrugged, shuffling a deck of cards distractedly.

"You're as bad as the rest of them," Raxet groaned disparagingly, "I think I'll leave now." She turned, began to walk away.

"Hey." She stopped, halfway across the room already, heading to the staircase that would lead her to her room.

"What?" She didn't turn around.

"If you want to know how to use a darkness door—or learn to fight like a real Organization member—ask Axel."

"I'm not asking him for anything!" she bristled, turning around.

"He's the only one who will help you. Demyx is hopeless—you saw what Sora did to him. Xemnas will tell you no, and give you flowery explanations. Axel…he's a good fighter. A good man. The others don't care."

"What about you?"

"You wouldn't take my bets." He shruggedhelplessly and heldup five cards, flashing thehand at her—he had nothingbetter thana pair of aces.


	7. The Rematch

**Chapter Seven:**

**The Rematch**

It took Raxet a long time to work up the courage to take Luxord's advice. In the end, it was mostly because she was pissed at being locked up in the castle. Every time she tried to go somewhere, Xemnas would insist that he was too busy to take her, and that the other Nobodies were on assignment. Her temper rose every time, and he attempted to consol her with pretty words and once even a flower. She froze the bud and it snapped off to land on his foot with a heavy crash. Eventually, it got to the point where…well….

"Axel!" She caught him in the hall, tripping him with her foot. He hadn't seen her at all, and as a result was sent sprawling.

"Damnit, bitch," He scrambled back to his feet, dusting his robes off. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I challenge you."

"Wha-a-at?" He looked at her like she was crazy. "You what, Raz?"

"I challenge you. You beat me on the first day I showed up. I think I can beat you now. I want to prove it. I challenge you, fucker. Scared?"

"Of you?" He pushed his hand through a wall, opening a darkness door. "Did you tell Xemnas?"

"He'll figure it out." She stepped forward aggressively, pushing Axel through, following behind.

"What's the sudden rush, Raz?" She hadn't even stopped to examine the world he had chosen.

"Shut up and fight," She spat at him, drawing her scimitars and standing tense and ready.

"You seem really anxious, Razer," Axel stood at his ease, summoning his chakram but not lighting them. "That time of the month?"

"Tch!" She bit off a reply, leaping at him and swinging her swords.

"Woah!" Axel protested, blocking with his left hand and deflecting. She recovered with inhuman speed and came at him again, striking wildly. Axel continued to block, his defense superb, but unable to make an offensive move.

This continued for some time, until Axel was able to vault himself away from her, spinning his chakram into flames.

"I don't know what your problem is, but I'll be damned if I let a girl like you beat me!" He yelled over the roaring of the fire.

"You keep talking—you're just trying to stall!" She hollered back, bracing her scimitars by tensing her forearms. Axel advanced and both of them winced as their weapons collided and sent shockwaves up their arms to their torso. Raxet spun backwards, trying to get behind him to stab at his weak point. He blocked and disarmed her left hand; her scimitar was sent flying across the open, grassy plain.

She scrambled after it, ice forming along the dry ground in her footprints. "Where are we?" She panted, pausing in her advances to scan the surroundings.

"Agrabah," Axel replied, stepping back, keeping his chakram alight anxiously.

"Nice." She commented briefly, before charging again.

Three hours later, they were both exhausted. Blood dripped from innumerous minor wounds. Raxet was burned in several spots along her hands and arms. A deep gash ran across her left cheek, but heat had already served to sterilize the wound. Axel was bleeding from slashes left by Raxet's wild scimitars. Neither of them could stand up straight, and neither of them was willing to drop their weapons.

"If…this keeps up…we'll Fade…." Axel panted, wearily tossing his chakram. It spun slowly through the air, and Raxet still almost couldn't dodge it.

"I don't…care…." She panted back. "I'm going…to prove…." But she didn't finish the thought. A thin sheet of ice ran out from beneath her planted feet, ducking beneath Axel's black boots. He couldn't keep his balance, and toppled over, the flames on his chakram dissolving in the ice with a hiss.

"Say it." She grunted, keeping her scimitars braced, unwilling to let them drop before she had won, even if it cost her the last ounce of her strength.

Axel stared at the sky, pale blue unbroken by a single merciful cloud. He tried to stretch out his arm to reach his chakram, which had fallen from his grasp with the loss of his equilibrium. He half-sat up to try this, and he looked at her as he reached.

"Say it," She whispered again, stepping forward. Axel bit his lip. She didn't recognize the expression on his face. Oh, there was agony. She could see that. But there was something else, too. He was considering something. He let his arm fall.

"I give," He gasped, falling back with a sigh. "Damn you, bitch," But there was no real menace in his voice, as if he was too tired to put any feeling into the words.

Raxet didn't reply, simply sheathed her swords and collapsed, finding perhaps the only patch of grass within a two hundred yard radius. They lay there like that for some time, neither talking, each focused mostly on their breathing.

Then came a sound neither could ignore. The unmistakable thud of a pack Heartless, materializing. Raxet twitched, her hands moving to her scimitars. Axel sat up stiffly, as the creatures advanced slowly, the bandits swinging their blades.

"Gettup, Raz. Duty calls." He swung the chakram, knocking three Heartless back Raxet attempted to stand, using her scimitars as bracers. Axel watched her out of the corner of his eye.

"Here," He grunted, pushing a darkness door open between them. "Go back, tell Xemnas that…that there's still far too many Heartless…" He broke off, slicing at another Heartless, then continuing, "In Agrabah. Sora's being lazy."

"Why just me?" She swung weakly at a Heartless, parrying the creature's blow.

"Because—if we both hop through the stupid things will follow us," That was bularky, and they both knew it. She turned around and began to battle the Heartless, their backs almost touching.

"Just do what you're told!" He gasped as a Heartless nearly penetrated his defense, and he kicked it aside.

"No!" She yelled, a sword in each hand, dealing as much damage as she could.

"If something happens to you—" He broke off, apparently engaged elsewhere, unable to complete his thought.

"What?" She turned around to face him, bracing the hilt of her swords on her hips. "If something happens to me what?"

"Xemnas'll get pissed off at me, that's what!" He turned, in his turn, to face her, one hand still jammed in the darkness door.

"Well he can just fuckin deal!" Raxet was glaring all out at him, and he was glaring all-out back, both of their frustrations reaching peak.

"Get out of here, Raz, before—" He jumped, keeping the darkness door open, but allowing a sword to slice beneath his feet. He had almost just been rendered a foot shorter.

"Before what?"

"Before you get hur—" He broke off, pulling his hand out of the darkness door, reaching out to catch her as she fainted, Heartless encircling them.

Raxet heard him swear, but her eyelids were too leaden to open. Her head was throbbing again, and it felt like someone had hit her in the chest with an anvil. The pain was almost too much to bear, but there was just enough relief from it that she couldn't seem to lose consciousness. Was she fading? It felt like she was floating away.

She could hear sounds that didn't come from Axel's battle with the heartless—sounds that weren't his swearing and the heartless hissing. There was laughter, and a bubbly, high pitched, delighted squeal.

"Raxet!" She suddenly felt much more solid, and there was a heaviness to her limbs that kept her from moving, but she was suddenly shifting…someone was rolling her over, slapping lightly at her face. "Raxet! Raxet!" Who…Axel. She blinked, but was unable to hold her eyes open.

"Dammit…" She heard him curse. "You…almost Faded." Did he sound relieved? Was he glad she hadn't? Or was there something else there? Of all the Nobodies, she found herself thinking, he seemed to be the one with the most layers. What….why was she thinking that now? She should be thinking about how much it hurt when he touched her—his skin was much too warm against her ice. She felt herself rising—he'd picked her up.

"Bitch," He muttered, his breath short and his voice heavy. "You're gonna ruin everything, you stupid whore," Did he think she was unconscious? That she couldn't hear that? She grumbled internally, telling herself she'd get him back. She felt the surroundings shift as Axel stepped through the darkness door, bearing her back to Castle Oblivion.


	8. An Unnatural Warmth

**Chapter Eight:**

**An Unnatural Warmth**

She still couldn't see. Raxet struggled to keep her breathing even, wishing she could just slip away or step back this side of unconsciousness. Hovering here between the two was uncomfortable.

"Axel!"

"Demyx…finish writing that song?"

"Y-yeah, actually. Just did….er…." There was a light twang as Demyx set his sitar down, and she heard him clumsily scramble to his feet. "Wh…what happened?"

"Don't ask. Do me a favor, though? Go tell Xemnas she's back?"

"He'll kill me if I tell him she's—"

"Then don't. Get out of here, man. I'm takin' her up to her room." There was the brief feeling of disorientation—Axel had opened another darkness door. A moment later, she slipped a little as he attempted to hold her with one arm and throw back the comforter on her bed. The pillows were a welcome softness. She sank into them willingly, her breath leaving her with an involuntary sigh.

Axel sighed as well.

"Stupid whore," She almost couldn't hear him. His voice was so low. "Stupid, selfish, prideful, pigheaded _whore_." She could feel her temper rising, and she wished she had the strength to raise her hand. After spending an hour pounding Axel into the sands of Agrabah, she wanted nothing more than to slap him something silly.

There was a scraping. What was he doing? She felt the bed shift. Oh. He must have dragged up a chair, and was leaning on the bed. He wasn't going to leave? He'd delivered her safely home—damn him for doing something so chivalrous, she'd have to consider thanking him—he could go crash in his own place now. In fact, she wished he would.

"You little idiot." He seemed to be…no he wasn't. He wasn't enjoying himself. Why was he scolding her? He didn't seem to think she could hear, but he was talking to her as if he actually cared. And then she felt something. Something frightening, something foreign. A warmth against the skin of her cheek, and a dampness.

Had he just kissed her? And…were those tears?

"Axel!" Another voice. Damn. She didn't want to hear from _him _right now.

"Shut up, Xemnas," Axel muttered. "Keep your voice down, at least."

"How dare you—you sneak off to God-knows-where and then come back with her like this? You bastard—you know how valuable she is to us."

"Your little plan. I know."

"Shut up and get the hell out of here." Xemnas hissed. "And don't go near her again. Or I'll turn you into a Dusk."

Axel was quiet for a moment. Raxet pried an eyelid open painfully. Agony such as she had never seen was scrawled across the handsome visage, and there were indeed tears leaking out from his emerald eyes.

"Xemnas?" she closed her eyes again. It took so much effort to talk, she was afraid she felt herself slipping away again.

"Raxet!" She felt him grasp at her hand. "Don't talk, darling. Don't waste your strength. Axel! I thought I told you to leave?"

"No…" She whispered, only staging pain and weakness. "No, no…no…."

"No? No what?" Xemnas leaned in, struggling to hear. Axel turned away, scooting back from the bed.

She opened her eyes again, allowing the crystalline orbs to meet his. "You leave, Xemnas." Her voice was quiet, but cold. It was steady, though it was weak, and anger italicized every syllable. "If you don't…." She sucked in air, her chest rising and falling with the painful action, "If you don't get out of my room, I'll freeze your balls off. I don't care if it takes the last of my energy—I'll do it and don't you think I won't." She pulled her hands out of his, putting them against his shoulders and pushing weakly, trying to get him and his horrid breath away from her.

"You heard the lady, Xemnas." Axel told their boss quietly. "You should probably leave, too." Raxet missed the look that passed between them; she had fallen back, closing her eyes again. She heard the darkness open, heard Xemnas's loud clicking step as he left and closed it behind him.

"Axel?" She whispered.

"I know. I'm leaving. I want to keep my balls."

"Don't…" She whispered, reaching out to clutch at his hand. She felt the heat from his skin course all the way up to her elbow. It was such a sensation as to be uncomfortable, but it was also soothing. She wished she had the strength to open her eyes again. She could only imagine the look on the bastard's face.

He stood there for a minute, allowing her to clutch at his hand. After a while, he moved to sit back down, grasping her hand as well.

"Go to sleep, Raz." He told her. "You're delirious."

"Am not. Asshole." But the word sleep had set something off in her brain. Darkness, cool and comforting, settled over her consciousness.


	9. Frozen Feelings

**Chapter Nine:  
Frozen Feelings**

When Raxet was finally able to move, Axel was fast asleep. Raxet hadn't gone to sleep. She had been afraid of drifting away, of Fading. Axel's head rested on her shoulder, the heat from his body almost unbearable beneath the blankets. She slid out from under him, delicately, not wanting to disturb him. His head lolled peacefully back onto the pillows. She smiled. He looked like such an idiot, with his mouth half opened and freezer burn on his cheek. And he snored. Softly, but it was still snoring.

Raxet stared at him for a minute, wondering about this feeling deep in her gut. Was that a feeling? Or a memory of a feeling? Or a pseudo-thought disguised cleverly as an emotion? She had a headache again. A bad one. The room was blurry around her, and it was scary. She needed to scream. Badly. She didn't want to wake Axel, though. And she daren't scream in the hall.

How had he done it? Opened the darkness door? Stuck his hand out…and pulled at nothing….

She felt stupid, sticking her right hand out, clutching at air, while her other hand cradled her head. But after a moment, she felt something. A swirling void, just beyond the reach of her fingers. She didn't know how to get it though, other than to focus on it. And she did, concentrating on it, willing it towards her.

In a way, she must have succeeded in her attempts to open a darkness door. A black void opened around her fist, growing as it slid up her arm. A moment later, she collapsed in a heap of white.

"Snow?" She asked, raising a handful of the white stuff to her eye level, distracting herself momentarily from her victory. She flung it up in the air, allowing it to sprinkle and settle in her wild hair like glitter.

"I did it," She told herself, smugly. "I open—" She stopped in mid boast, pulling her knees to her chest. "Ow….ah….ah…." Her head was about to split open.

She could feel pieces of herself drifting away.

"Raxet…Ra….Raxet….Razer…Razzy….Raz….Raxet…." She screamed, unable to contain the pain any longer. Her chest was heavy and throbbed like fire. Fire….flames….

She stood shakily, her breathing ragged. The seizure had come to an end. Raxet let out a long sigh, leaning against a convenient tree. She looked around her—she seemed to be in the middle of a forest. Interesting. She hadn't been here before.

She walked among the trees, thinking about….thinking. Axel. Flames. Why did it feel like there was something she was missing?

Oh, right. Because she was. Memories.

Her chest panged at the thought of knowing what she had been through before, instead of only what she was living through now. Axel had memories, the lucky bastard.

Being with him…was like being with Xemnas.

No it wasn't.

Xemnas hurt her. With his words, with his face. With his desires. With his lies. Every time she heard Xemnas speak, saw him breathe, felt his skin, pain lanced through her head, as if a memory was trying to escape.

It was almost the same way with Axel. Axel…

It didn't hurt when she saw Axel. It ached. Incessantly.

"Damnit." She bent down to pack a snowball, packing it tightly with angry fists and flinging it behind her. Frustration, anger. These emotions were supposed to be beyond a Nobody, and yet she felt them strongly enough that they were clouding her judgment.

What did it matter the way she reacted to these men's presence? All that mattered was that she regain her heart and become whole. And get her memories back. There was a crunch in the snow behind her, and she spun, flinging the snowball by instinct.

Axel caught it with his nose. He didn't complain, wiping the snow off his face and front with a gloved hand.

"Something wrong, Raz?" He asked, quietly. His unnatural calmness irked her something terrible.

"No. Everything's peachy." She turned around, stalking deeper into the forest. Her feet made no impression in the snow. Axel, however, was halfway up his shins in it. He paused, allowing her a moment to get ahead, then he followed.

"You know, if there was something wrong…"

"There's not."

"We all lost things." He told her ponderously, bending over to scoop up some snow. "With our hearts."

"But you still have memories!" She hissed at him, stopping and whirling around. He flung the snowball at her, but it stopped an inch away from her face—she never even flinched—and dissolved, falling to the ground.

"Is that your problem? Let me tell you something." He got more snow. "My memories cause me more pain every _day_ than I can imagine that seizure put you through. I wish that it was like that for me. I could just bit my lip and take it, then move on. I won't tell you that you're lucky, but you should forget about the pity party." He flung the snow again, and this time, it made contact, sliding off her person like water away from oil.

"….That doesn't make me feel any better." She told him, quietly.

Axel shrugged and threw another snowball. She stopped it with a glance, and it turned around to beam him in the shoulder. "Play fair." He complained, firing again.

"…..I don't feel like it." She made a motion with her hand like orchestrating a crescendo, and a small wave of snow rose up from behind Axel and smothered him.

She half expected him to melt it, but he wasn't that foolish. He dug himself out, spitting snow. She waited for him to get his torso free before flinging another snowball at him and fleeing into the forest.

She heard him curse behind her, and then there was the sound of his clumsy floundering through the snow as he gave chase. She couldn't help it—her mood was shot. She laughed as he tackled her, smearing snow into her hair.

"You suck," She told him, trying to escape. "You've ruined my angst!"

"Serve you right." He told her, straddling her and attempting to shove snow down her front. She squealed in response, and he paused, staring at her his jaw slack.

"You…squeal?"

"N-no!" She wiggled out from under him, brushing snow off her cloak, attempting to regain her dignity.

"Yeah…you did." He pounced her again, his weight pushing her into the snow. This time he was tickling, and her natural response was to squeal.

"Axel!" Raxet sucked her breath in deeply as someone hollered at the man who had her pinned down. Axel turned to look over his shoulder.

"Sora!" He gaped.

"Who is that, Sora?" A large, intimidating, frightening…thing…wearing a purple cloak growled. "What are they doing here?"

"Axel…he's from the Organization."

"The Organization!" A duck, too? "Let's get them!"

Axel chuckled as he recovered himself, "Long time no see, Sora. 'Fraid I can't stay to chat." He pulled a darkness door open in the snow beneath them, and he and Raxet fell laughing to the commons of the Castle Oblivion.


	10. Borrowed Ideals

**Chapter Ten:**

**Borrowed Ideals**

The cold tile of Castle Oblivion made for a painful landing base, and there was no graceful way for them to untangle themselves before hitting it. Somehow, Axel had maneuvered himself beneath Raxet, somewhat cushioning the blow, but she still knocked her elbow.

"My funny bone!" she complained, rubbing at her elbow as they separated and attempted to stand. Axel rubbed at his head, but didn't say anything. How could he? He was laughing too hard.

"What's so—Ohmigawd." She gave up, dissolving into giggles.

"What?" Axel was still laughing, clutching at his side, sitting on the tile. "You know…you've got snow in your hair."

"Yeah…" She brushed it out. "Dammit." She was patting herself down. "My whip…"

"You had it with you—it jabbed me in the gut."

"You must have knocked it off. Asshat!"

"Didn't do it on purpose. I'll go—" but she didn't hear the rest of what he said, because she had jerked herself through a darkness door, which for her seemed to work more like a darkness porthole.

Her landing was only a slightly more graceful, since the snow enveloped her and then pushed her back above. Someone grabbed her elbow to steady her.

"Thanks," she muttered, pushing her hair back. When she was able to see past her bangs, she made eye contact with the young man who had assisted her.

"Sora?" She asked, quietly. He nodded. She pulled her arm out of his hand, stepping carefully back.

"She's with that awful Organization!" roared the creature behind the keybearer, advancing menacingly. "I don't want them on my land!"

"Easy, Beast." Sora waved him back, and the Beast settled back with a grumble. "Who are you?" Sora asked, holding out something.

"My whip?" She reached out and took it, tentatively. Sora released it and she took another step back. "I'm…Raxet."

"Axel's girlfriend?"

"His WHAT?"

"well…" Sora began, stuttering a little. "I mean…you have to mean something to him…ya'll were…you know…right here in the…in the snow…"

"In my BACKYARD!" roared the Beast. Raxet's face flushed.

"We were doing NO such thing." She vehemently protested.

"Oh." Sora blushed. "Sorry. I just…assumed…"

"…." Raxet looked away, tying her whip at her side. She wanted to leave, but try as she might, she couldn't seem to concentrate on a darkness door. "You know Axel?"

"He…yeah. We've met. He's a good fighter."

"The best." She found herself believing it, too.

"Yeah…" Sora didn't sound convinced. He was staring at her in a most disconcerting way. "Um…Raxet, you said?"

"Yeah."

"….." Sora looked at the duck, who was making funny quacking, "What, Donald?"

"She's an enemy. Why are you talking to her? We should be fighting her!"

"Donald!"

"I agree," Rumbled the Beast, dropping into a fighting stance.

Raxet dropped too, bracing herself wearily. In her current state she knew she wouldn't last long, but what other way was there to respond to such aggression?

"We probably should," Sora sighed. "I mean, you are a bad person," He told her, sounding almost regretful.

"What?" That made her start, and she stood back up, dropping her arms. "I'm…a bad person? What gave you that idea?"

"You're with the Organization, aren't you?"

"Was the uniform your first clue?"

"Yeah. Why?" She stared at him. Had he not caught the sarcasm? Apparently not. "Anyway, the Organization's a bad group—I'm afraid I'll have to kill all of you before the end."

"Who told you we were bad? What did we do?" She was genuinely confused.

"YenSid said that you're trying to take over the universe," Sora shrugged. "I just know that you're after Kingdom Hearts."

"That's bad!" Quacked Donald, "So there!"

"But…all we want is to be whole," Raxet blinked. "That's so unfair."

"Don't get upset!" Sora looked like it was breaking his heart to watch her so confused.

"Sora," the Beast grumbled, "She's a Nobody."

"I know. I know. Nobodies don't have any real feelings." He didn't look so sure, though, "But…Oh drat…You're right."

"Did YenSid tell you that, too?" She asked, only barely keeping her voice from breaking.

"Yes. Nobodies have no feeling, no emotion, no heart. What you feel is only a shadow emotion, a pseudo feeling produced by your memories."

"Well…" She took a deep breath, pausing as if she'd no other option but to admit defeat. However, she crossed her arms and began to retaliate, in true temperamental style. "I've got news for you, little boy! Nobodies do feel, Sora. We hope and despair and dream and hate and love. And they aren't only the memories of feelings. They're every bit as strong as the emotions you feel!" She took another breath, this one less steady, her whole body shaking with the effort. She raised a hand to her head, trying to ward off the threatening seizure.

"I…." Sora was at a loss for words. Donald glared silently, and the Beast growled deep in his throat.

"I just...I think it's a little unfair of you to want to kill who we are for not remembering who we used to be." She looked around her, as if checking the time. In reality, she was trying to hide the glittering water in her eyes. "I hate to put an end to this lovely discussion, but I have to go now. It just wouldn't do if I died…excuse me…_FADED_…today. Maybe you should take a closer look at what you've been doing. Even heartless can do exactly as they're told. It takes someone with emotions to do what's right."

She reached behind her, trying desperately to open a door. There was a long pause while she struggled, feeling the trio's eyes boring into her. Then she was violently pulled through, flying out of control into the commons of Castle Oblivion. She would have hit the wall if Axel hadn't moved to stop her.

"I was about to come get you," Was he scolding? He sounded worried.

"I don't need you." She hissed up at him, meeting his eyes. He started, jerking back, startled by the ferocity of her gaze, by the tears he doubtless noticed there. He was still holding her, an aftereffect of having saved her face from certain destruction against the wall of the castle. She jerked away, fleeing up the stairs. She couldn't tell if he followed her or not.


	11. What Did He Say to You?

**Chapter Eleven:**

**What Did He Tell You?**

Raxet slammed the door to her room behind her violently—so violently it hurt her arm. She didn't care though. It wasn't real pain she was feeling anyway, was it? Or were Nobodies allowed physical sensations still? She tossed her whip and scimitars into the corner of the room, hearing them score on the wall, and not caring one whit. She half-hoped they broke. It would offer some sort of satisfaction. Maybe. Unless satisfaction was an emotion, in which case, never fucking mind, right? She told herself.

She found herself crying loud, wet sobs into her pillow, hugging it to her chest and weeping openly. What was the matter with her?

Simple.

Something…something _that boy_…that _keyblade_ bearer….had said. How dare he? He…he…she couldn't even form coherent thoughts around her tears. This continued for some time.

She clutched at her pillow, hiding her face in it, her whole body shaking with the force of her sobs. Dammit. She'd managed to sound so sure when she was telling Sora off, but what if he was right? What if she really did have nothing...just the idea of something? Could a memory of an emotion be this painful? If they could, did she want real emotions?

"So…what'd he say?" Raxet nearly fell of the bed with her start. She choked as she tried to compose herself.

"Go away," She muttered. She didn't turn to look at him, but quieted her sobs, letting the tears drip silent. Axel stood there for a moment, before asking quietly again.

"What did Sora say to you?"

"I told you to go away."

"I'm not going away until you tell me why you're crying. Then I'm gonna go kick his ass."

"He's just a little boy."

"He's fifteen—old enough to be responsible for his own actions!"

"Leave him alone, Axel." She sniffed into her pillow. "And leave me alone, too."

"…I still wanna know what he said." Axel took a step closer to the bed.

"…doesn' matter."

"…after I'd just gone to all that trouble to cheer you up," He muttered into her ear, brushing damp hair away from her face.

"I can't be cheered up, because...I'm...not depressed." Now she was hiccuping. "Nobodies...don't HAVE...emotions..."

"Oh. OH. That little prick…" Axel sighed, sitting down on the bed. "Raz…we have feelings. If we didn't have feelings, we wouldn't exist….we'd have no reason for anything at all. It'd be like being dead." He spoke very softly and slowly, as if his own words were meant as much for him, healing him, as they were to help her.

She didn't answer, trying to stop her hiccupping, still sobbing into her pillow, which was very wet by now. Eventually the sobs subsided into a series of shudders and whimpers.

"We have hearts, but not in the same way as Sora and the 'normal' people," Axel continued, leaning closer to her. She could feel his body heat seeping into her, melting her. "We have hearts in other people. People that make us feel like we have hearts—it's just as real as having a heart with you all the time, do you understand?"

Raxet took one last sigh, as if she'd finally reached a state of composure. She sat up, and wiped at her eyes, trying to smooth her complexion before turning around. But when she did, her resolve shattered all over again. She didn't want to grab him, but she needed something, and her body was responding to her need without checking in with her mind, first. She flung her arms around his neck and cried.

Axel bit his lip, closing his eyes. She felt him sigh, and then he wrapped his arms around her, rocking her back and forth.

"S…sorry," She muttered after a while, pulling away from him. He wiped at her eyes with his sleeve. "I…I….sorry…" Her whisper was broken by her shaky breathing.

He studied her for a long, quiet moment.

"Raz?" He asked, his voice a low whisper. She looked up questioningly. He took a deep breath. "You know something?"

"What?" She was leaning into his chest, feeling too weak to even sit up on her own.

"Those people we nobodies have…that make us feel like we have hearts? You're one of mine." He leaned down so he could whisper it in her ear. Then he nipped it, biting gently. She couldn't help it. She had to giggle.

"Don't…" She pushed his face away.

She sighed, closing her eyes. She wasn't sad anymore. She felt…strange. Was that the feeling he spoke of? Feeling like she had a heart? Was this a taste of completion? It was so heavy, this pseudo-heart; it fluttered in her chest, and yet still felt leaden.

She suddenly felt very, very tired.

"Axel?" She lifted her head to speak into his cheek, her lips barely brushing his warm skin. "If we keep this up…we won't need Xemnas or his stupid Kingdom Hearts. Do you think?"

"I don't know, Raz…" He tightened his embrace unconsciously. "I think...I think I hope you're right..."


	12. Don't Read it Until Tomorrow

**Chapter Twelve:**

**Don't read it 'till tomorrow**

When Raxet woke up the following morning, Axel was gone. She looked around frantically, having expected his unnatural heat and cocky words, but he wasn't in her room. She sighed. After spending almost two entire days together, waking up to find him gone was almost maddeningly lonely.

She changed clothes, replacing her night wear with her heavy black uniform. It was routine enough, now. She reached for her weapons; they were carefully stacked in one corner. She blinked, then sighed. Axel must have arranged them for her. She had left them in a sloppy pile.

A tap at the door drew her attention. She opened it, surprised to look up and lock eyes with Demyx.

"Demyx!" she exclaimed, still tying her whip at its usual place on her hip.

"Hey," He scratched boyishly at the back of his head, eyes traveling to the ceiling self-consciously. "Er…."

"Is something the matter?" He seemed edgy. Then again, he was always edgy.

"Well…no one's seen you for a couple of days. I just thought I'd make sure you were ok—I mean, after Axel dragged you back in…you just didn't do your normal prowling thing…" well, she hadn't had the energy to 'prowl' the castle. She'd been 'prowling' elsewhere. The Beast's castle, for example. Her own mind.

"I'm alright," She smiled reassuringly at him. "I was about to go talk to Naminé—I have some questions."

"You ask a lot of questions."

"I don't get many answers."

Demyx sighed, "Yeah, it seems like that a lot to me, too. Hey…" He took a folded piece of paper out of his pocket, handing it to her, his gloved hand shaking slightly. "I've got to go—Xemnas had an errand for me to run—but I wanted to give this to you first."

"What is it?" She looked at it curiously, began to unfold it.

"No—" He put his hand on top of hers so she couldn't unfold it. "Wait until tomorrow. Please?"

"Er…sure. Why?"

"Call it a hunch," He said with a smile that was almost sad. "Anyway, if you were going to talk to Naminé…best get going."

"Why, is she going somewhere, too?"

"Call it a hunch," He told her again. And this time, there was no almost; that smile was anything but cheerful. Before she could ask if he was ok, he'd disappeared into a darkness portal. She looked down at the paper in her hand, now slightly crumpled. She began to open it again, then stopped. She would honor his request and wait until the morrow to see what was inside. Raxet slid the paper into her pocket. Then she closed the door behind her as she began to make her way down the hall.

"Naminé?" she tapped lightly on the younger girl's door. Naminé's answer, as expected, was prompt; the door cracked almost before Raxet finished knocking.

"Come in," Naminé waved Raxet inside, sounding slightly anxious. "Did Demyx find you?"

"Er…yeah, he just went by my room. Why?"

"He told me he was looking." Naminé motioned to the same chair Raxet had sat in the last time she'd come. Raxet sat, scooping up more art.

"Axel. Sora. That stupid duck—"

"Donald."

"What?" Raxet looked up. Naminé was sitting on the very edge of her seat, looking…well…edgy.

"His name. The duck. His name is Donald. He's the King's magician."

"The king?"

"Third picture behind that."

Raxet flipped to it. "A mouse?"

"Yes. His name is King Mickey."

"…that's…interesting." Naminé picked up her pencil and began to draw something. Raxet waited a minute, flipping through the papers, before speaking again. "Naminé…the last time we spoke, you told me you were going to try and find out…what I was doing here. What Xemnas was planning, and…" She bit her lip, fighting with the words even as they escaped her mouth, "And what Axel knew about it."

"I knew you would ask…" Naminé didn't look up, but began to speak. Her voice was soft, almost dead. "Xemnas…stole your soul."

"He what?"

"He had your Somebody turned into a Heartless, and then forced the heart back into it. He created you, you could say…" Her pencil moved jerkily.

"He…did this to me? Why?" She set the papers down, eying Naminé with confusion.

"…It…I….I can't really say…" Naminé still didn't look up, sketching furiously.

"Why not? Naminé…" Raxet's voice broke. "What does Xemnas _want_ with me?"

"You know what he wants _from _you." Naminé said. "And don't pretend you don't. You're beautiful, Raxet." She wiped at her face—self-consciously? Naminé was pretty. Young, admittedly, but she was very pretty. She had a lot to look forward to. Or she would, had she been a Somebody. Raxet found herself feeling rather sad again.

"Naminé…" she began an attempt at comfort, but Naminé shook her head.

"Look, Raxet…" Naminé finally looked up, "I can't help you. I tried. I really, really, _really_ did."

"Naminé…are you crying?" Raxet stood, going over to the girl, "Don't cry…please…"

"…y-you're too kind." Naminé pulled away. "I don't deserve anyone's kindness, Raxet. I've done too much to help these things go wrong."

"What are you talking about?"

Naminé changed the subject, "I hear you succeeded in opening a darkness door,"

"Yeah…are you alright?"

"I'm sorry."

"What?"

"That you opened a darkness door. It means…you've got more darkness in your soul than you used to have." Naminé put the pencil down, grabbed some map colors. "I'm sorry, Raxet. I'm sorry."

"You're still crying." Raxet was kneeling next to Naminé's chair, and she put her hands on Naminé's knees, trying to gain her attention. "Naminé…what's the matter?"

"Look," Naminé held up the half-colored drawing.

"What is that? I don't recognize those people…"

"…It's a girl…and her husband…and their baby."

"And? Why does this matter? Naminé…I came to get answers and I'm more confused than before!"

"I'm sorry, Raxet. I can't. I just…can't. You wouldn't want me to. Please…just trust me. Don't ask me about this anymore."

"Will you stop crying if I promise?"

"I might,"

"Then I promise." Raxet took the paper out of Naminé's hands, setting it aside and drawing the girl in, embracing her and rocking her, much the same as Axel had done for Raxet the night before.

"…You should know…" Naminé spoke quietly. "I won't be available much longer."

"What?"

"Don't ask…please…"

"Are you…going to become whole?"

"Not yet. But Axel—"

"Axel? What's he got to do with anything?" Naminé winced at the sharp tone.

"He heard that Xemnas was going to…eh…" She shivered. "I just…I'm going to have to do some things—I've got to play my part, I've made too many mistakes already. We all have."

"Have I?"

"You may be the only player in this game that's innocent." Naminé sighed. "I'm going to try to amend my previous misdeeds. It's going to cause me a lot of trouble. Raxet, make me a promise."

"Sure," Raxet shrugged easily. "Anything."

"Don't let Xemnas fool you. He wants to hurt you. Very badly. Almost as badly as he wants to gain Kingdom Hearts."

"Er…alright." Naminé stood, pulling Raxet up, too.

"I'm sorry, Raxet. I wish I could tell you happy things and make you understand what's going on. Still, it's my turn to make you a promise."

"What kind of promise?"

"I promise that when this is over, you'll be the happiest woman you can possibly be."

"Can you make that sort of promise?"

"I already have," Naminé smiled at her, and Raxet wondered where the energy came from. She couldn't seem to find it, even though she tried to bravely smile back. Naminé was frightening her.

Raxet turned to leave, and as she passed beside the wall nearest the door, she paused, examining a picture Naminé had pinned up. "Axel…and Roxas?"

"They were very close," Naminé told her, retracing the lines with her finger, "And…in a similar way, Axel is very close to Sora,"

"Sora!"

"Yes. Sora and Roxas…they are two pieces of the same entity."

"Sora was…he…"

"It's something for you to think about," Naminé smiled again, opening the door. "I can't give you any more answers."


	13. It Was Supposed to Help

**Chapter Thirteen:**

**It was supposed to help**

The halls of Castle Oblivion had always been quiet. Now they were stiflingly silent. Raxet's breath caught in her chest as she settled onto a bench, allowing her head to sink into her hands, her messy hair falling in layers around her face.

"Something wrong, darling?"

Raxet sat up quickly, leaning back casually. "Not a thing, boss," She grinned cockily. It was a slightly lopsided grin, because she couldn't seem to find the grit to fill it out.

"You're tired?"

"Just a little. Everyone's always talking about Sora and where he is and how much longer we have to wait and just how much we should push him before he gets here and if he's going to kill us all or just make it easier for us to gain our hearts…all the tension is wearing me out."

"He's got no chance. Saïx has assured our victory."

"How?" She had been speaking quickly, putting together catches of conversations she had heard off and on between her 'prowls'—as Demyx had called them. She hadn't realized how close her guesses had come, or she would have addressed Naminé about them.

Xemnas studied her, evaluating her. Then he grinned widely as he reached his conclusion. What had that been? Naminé had said hurting her was what he wanted to do. She'd seen no evidence of this…he'd always been so careful, so _kind_. Had that been an act? She trusted Naminé's judgment. When Xemnas started speaking, she listened carefully, nervously.

"Sora has a friend that's very, very dear to him. Saïx has invited her to stay here with us, for a time. Sora…he may as well be a puppet. He'll do anything for his little Kairi."

"We're holding a little girl hostage?" She felt her eyes widen, and horror overtook her.

"See what I mean? He's got no chance." Xemnas stood, clapping her gently on the shoulder, eyeing her gently, kindly. At least, that's what it had looked like. Now…now she saw that he was hiding a slyness behind his eyes. She jerked back.

He didn't seem to notice though, and after a moment, she was watching his retreating back. She bit her thumb, thinking.

A little girl. Xemnas had had a little girl kidnapped. Maybe Sora wasn't so wrong in thinking that the Organization was a bad group. And she was a part of it.

"Dammit," She whispered. "I don't understand." She felt a lone tear slide down her left cheek, and she wiped it away angrily.

Sometime later, she was stalking through the halls. There was a commotion inside one of the rooms, and she drew into the shadows, pressing her ear to the wall, wondering what it was about, and knowing if she went inside, chances were good nothing meaningful would be said.

"So he did it, then?"

"Yeah, he's gone."

"Demyx…well, we always knew he was weak…"

"No. He wasn't. He was just soft."

"You think he threw that fight?"

"It's a real possibility."

"Doesn't really matter, does it? He's gone, now."

Raxet gasped as the reality of those words sunk in. She felt her eyes narrow angrily. She couldn't name the all of the people who had been speaking—one had been Xemnas—but it didn't really matter. How dare they speak of Demyx so rudely? He was a sweet, kind…oh. That's right. She was in the middle of a nest of snakes. No wonder they spoke so poorly of him. She felt angry tears welling up in her eyes, and didn't care to listen to anything else these people might say.

She jerked a darkness door open behind her and felt herself yanked through. She landed with an uncomfortable crash on her bed. She wouldn't cry. She wouldn't. She'd done too much of that, these last few days. Too much. Her pillow might never recover. So instead of crying, she pulled the slip of paper Demyx had given her out of her pocket, unfolding it slowly. It wasn't just one sheet. He'd used one to make a sort of envelope, and inside were two, three pages.

"I know you told me to wait," She whispered, "but I can't help it…" She began to read.

_Dear Raxet,_

_I wanted to sing you a song. You know, in person. Sort of like…I guess like a serenade. I even wrote a couple, but they weren't very good. I'm not good at love songs. I guess it comes with being a Nobody. Sorry. _

_Anyway, I'm sorry I never got the chance to tell you any of that. I had a lot of things I could have said. Then Axel reminded me that you have no memories. It would be cruel to talk about the past when you couldn't remember. I'm sorry for bringing that up. I know it's painful._

_Axel won't want me to give this to you. _

_He'll be afraid that it will make you upset. He's a real good guy—he's trying to protect you. You can trust him. I hope you do. He's making the right choice, but it's a dangerous one._

_I know you're confused. I wish I could help you. I want nothing more than to watch you smile. Don't worry. It may happen yet. Axel will do everything he can for you. I've done as much as I can, too. _

_Except explain. And someone should. You need to know._

_I can't tell you everything. I don't know it all myself. What I do know is recorded here, on these sheets. _

_When Xemnas brought you to the castle, he expected you to fold immediately under his wing—what else could you do, having no memories of your own? You would have to trust him, the one who offered you salvation. _

_You did, in a way. I noticed you take a lot of what he says at face value. But you didn't lose yourself—you didn't fold all the way. You're still a strong-willed woman. That makes me glad for you. It would be so hard to watch you become a puppet. _

_But you have to know. _

_Naminé said she'd warn you, but I feel that I should try, too, just in case._

_He's jealous. Xemnas only wants your destruction. Before you came to Castle Oblivion, before you'd lost your memories…you were a very lucky person. There was a treasure that you possessed that even owning all the universe couldn't compete with. _

_Don't get me wrong, though. He wants that, too. _

_I'm sorry. I wish I could put it in a way that would be easier for you to understand...This is what Naminé warned me about. I can see that now. _

_When I joined the Organization, I thought that it was my only choice, that there were no other options left to me. Did you feel that way? That it was your only hope?_

_It's not. For you, anyway. Even if you Fade, you'll rejoin your Somebody, and let me tell you, she misses you badly. She needs you. _

_And I see now that it's not the only option for me, either. I can't openly defy Xemnas. I'm not that brave. Or that foolish. But I'll do what I can. _

_This whole bid about Kingdom Hearts…_

_Xemnas won't help you, Raxet. You'll have to help yourself._

_Yours forever,_

_Demyx_

_P.S. The Keyblade is not in essence a weapon. It is an embodiment of hope. For everyone._

Raxet read the letter through several times. Demyx, she thought to herself, really had been a man of great caliber. When she had finished reading it, she lit a candle. Somberly, she burned the pages, thinking to herself that it was a pathetic sort of requiem for a man of music, but she didn't trust herself to sing. Noise traveled strangely in this place. No one needed to know that she was mourning.

When the letter was nothing but a pile of ash on her dresser, she looked around. She had acquired from somewhere a small jewelry box. There was nothing inside; she'd no taste for jewelry. It was a delicate thing, intricately carved with flowers and musical notes. That, she smiled sadly, was at least appropriate. She scooped the ashes inside it and set it carefully back.

"Goodbye, Demyx," She whispered, allowing her tears to drip down her cheeks quietly. "And…Thank you."


	14. The Silence Hides the Darkness

**Chapter Fourteen:**

**The Silence Hides The Darkness in Our Souls**

Raxet didn't leave her room the rest of that day. She daren't. She wanted to rebuild her composure, first. So she lay on her bed and stared at the ceiling, the lights off and the air around her still.

It seemed to her as if the entirety of the foundations of her world had been ground into dust in the space of a few hours, and she wanted to re-evaluate where she stood in the world. In this manic mess. In this castle.

"You've heard the news?" Axel was back.

"About Demyx? Yeah."

"He was a good guy."

"I liked him." She sat up with a sigh, looking at him. Her eyes were slightly puffy from crying, but she seemed calm enough. Her cheeks were dry, and her gaze was steady. "I had a question for you," she whispered.

"I heard that you were full of questions, today."

"From Naminé?"

"Yeah. Anyway, shoot."

"Naminé said you were very close to Roxas. Xigbar's interpretation was that you were gay together. Does that make you a pedophile? He's Sora's age, right? Fifteen?"

Axel made a face. "I am NOT gay. Roxas was not gay. I am also not a pedophile. Roxas…he was like my kid brother. We were friends."

Raxet gave a small laugh, then lay back on the bed. "Well, that's comforting. It'd be strange to think I'd made love to a pedophile, least of all a gay one."

"Gee, I'm so glad that we cleared that up." He grumbled, sitting on the edge of the bed, away from her.

"Are you alright?" She sat up again, scooting closer to him. "I was looking for you all day." She reached out to touch his arm and he jerked away. Her fingers came back to her damp. "You're bleeding!" She hissed.

"Spent most of today getting beat up," He muttered, allowing her to unfasten his over-cloak. She tutted, and reached for one of the decorative pillows.

"You don't—" Axel tried to stop her, but she'd already ripped the cover off, and torn it into neat strips.

"Xemnas gave them to me." She told him, binding his wounds. "So…who creamed you?" Axel just shrugged silently, hissing when she jerked a knot tight. "Don't give me that shit," She told him. "It straight up won't fly. Was it Xemnas? Xaldin? Saïx? All of the above?"

"You didn't name Sora."

"I thought you liked him?"

"I do. Doesn't stop him from occasionally pounding my face in."

"So Sora beat you up?"

Axel shook his head, "No."

"Who, then?" She finished with the bandaging, kissing the hot skin right above his last wound—the one she had first discovered.

"Saïx." He told her, laying his chin on her head and closing his eyes.

"I won't ask why." She assured him quietly. "I don't think you'd tell me."

"I wouldn't," He whispered. "Thank you."

"Axel…" She wrapped her arms around his waist, careful of his wounds. "I'm scared."

"What of?"

"I don't know what to do. I don't want to Fade. But…"

"Shh…" He bade her. "Don't talk." He rolled his head so that it was resting on her shoulder now, and his hot breath seared her neck. "You're freezing me."

"I can't help it. You're melting me."

"Shh…" he told her again. "Just…let's be quiet for a while, ok?"


	15. The Last Chapter

**Chapter Fifteen:**

**The Pieces Should All Come Together…**

**….Instead, They Seem to Drift Apart.**

This time, when Raxet woke up, Axel was still there, his face buried in her neck and his arms loosely clasped around her waist. She turned slowly, carefully extricating herself from his clutches. Axel didn't stir. Raxet reached for her clothes, dressing quickly and pulling the cowl over her head, shadowing her face. Wordlessly she picked up her weapons, then softly leaned over the bed and brushed her lips delicately against Axel's heated cheek.

Ready at last, she reached into the darkness around her and allowed herself to be swallowed by the shadows that filled the room.

When she had fist come to Castle Oblivion, Axel had given her an extensive tour. He'd assured her that she'd seen everything, and he'd been convincing about it. However, there was an entire floor that he'd neglected to display. She'd stumbled upon it by chance several weeks ago.

The dungeon level.

Complete with cell block.

…

Complete with torture chamber.

If Xemnas really was holding a little girl prisoner, this was where she'd be. He'd lock her up and leave her. Maybe he'd assign a Dusk as guard, but Raxet doubted it. She materialized outside the first cell, shrinking into the darkness, peering around for signs of life. There was no guard.

"Who's there?" It was a strong voice. Raxet smiled sadly. This girl was no pushover. The authoritative tone was reminiscent of the keyblade bearer himself.

"A friend," She whispered, stepping out of the shadows. Her face was still hidden by the cowl, but her stature and build allowed Kairi to determine that she was a woman. "I'm here to help you," She began to study the girl that Sora valued so much. A chord struck deep inside Raxet's chest, and she began to piece together some of the puzzles that had been dancing around in her mind.

"Help me?" Kairi had drawn herself against the back wall, her hand clenched around the collar of a large dog. "Quiet, Pluto," She bid him, "Sit." Pluto wagged his tongue good-naturedly at Raxet and settled next to Kairi's feet. She didn't release his collar. "You're with _them_." Her eyes narrowed distrustingly.

"I used to be," Raxet admitted. "Keep your voice down, please," She implored as she examined the lock, slightly confused. There was a huge keyhole, but there seemed to be no tumblers. Forget that, then. She would have to do it the hard, noisy, stupid, this-is-going-to-get-me-so-very-much-in-knee-deep-shit way. She ran her hand along three or four of the bars, fast freezing them with her touch.

"Stand back," She hissed a warning at Kairi, "And cover your eyes. Be ready to move, ok? Someone's going to hear this, I just know it!" She drew her sword and pulled back, swinging like an all-star major-league hitter. The brittle metal shattered noisily. Debris shot out, scoring Raxet along her unguarded cheeks. Kairi bled from shallow cuts along her hands and forearms, but she'd shielded her eyes and face. Pluto was unscathed, though he had placed himself valiantly in front of Kairi. Hm…a magical pooch. Curious, if not useful.

"C'mere, c'mere!" Raxet beckoned agitatedly, glancing around. She was suddenly very nervous.

"Where's Sora?" Kairi whispered loudly, picking her way through the metal shards, "Is he with you?"

"No. He's not here yet. But here's a bad place for you to wait, don't you agree? I want to take you somewhere safe to wait for him, alright?" Raxet grabbed Kairi's hand, prepared to lead her through a darkness door.

"I don't want to wait somewhere safe!" Kairi jerked away, "I want to find Sora. If he's coming then I should wait here. And I'm not a kid. You don't have to hold my hand—"

"Hey!"

"Dammit!" Raxet cursed. It was Saïx. "I told you we had to move fast!" No time to argue about a destination now. Raxet began to open a door, digging deep into herself for the necessary darkness. She didn't have time to draw it out. Saïx was running toward them, drawing his fury around him. Raxet groaned and grabbed Kairi's hand again. "We gotta run. Now!" She pulled Kairi down the hall, passing cell after cell. Raxet noticed they were empty, and that gave her a small measure of comfort. Xemnas wasn't in the habit of methodically imprisoning and torturing children.

She had hoped that Saïx could have been outrun. It didn't happen. Mostly, this was because the route she had chosen turned out to be a dead end. Still, the gap their flight had caused gave her enough time to bite her lip, clearing her mind with pain, and allowing her to summon a darkness door. Before Kairi could protest, Raxet pushed her through. Pluto followed. Raxet was about to step through herself, but the sound of Saïx's heavy footfalls caused her concentration to slip, and the escape path dissolved even as she tried a desperate jump through.

"Little bitch!" Raxet was struggling to her feet, bracing herself against the bars of a cell. Saïx swung at her with his ridiculous but very intimidating weapon. Raxet didn't have time to dodge; she was still trying to regain her balance. His blow caught her roughly in the chest and she bounced off the wall with a painful thud. She shook herself, groaning, trying to be as quick as she could about getting to her feet.

Raxet slid her blades from their hidden sheathes across her back.

"I told Xemnas," Saïx panted, worn down from the chase."I told him…you would be too much trouble. Even without your memories! It's in your goddamn blood—you're too much like your old man!"

"Hey, Saïx?" She coughed, blood flecking her lips. It felt like her ribs were broken. "Shut up and die, will you?" Raxet wondered if everyone in the castle knew her story—excluding her, of course. It certainly seemed that way.

She charged him, intent on slicing him into bloody little pieces. Saïx blocked her left blade and dodged the right, kicking aggressively at her face. She jerked back, allowing for barely a centimeter of air between his boot and her nose.

She kicked back, leaning against a wall. Both of them were breathing heavily, and Saïx leaned upon his magnificent weapon, his head hanging slightly. Raxet hoped that that was a good sign. She knew that even injured, she had a high endurance rate. Maybe she could wear him down.

When he looked back up, however, she felt that hope shrivel and die. His eyes gleamed with madness, and all signs of fatigue had vanished. He raised his weapon and charged her with a wild yell. She barely had time to block, and even when she did, the force of his attack sent her spinning back down the hallway she had just used as an escape tunnel, skidding painfully along the tile. She flailed, trying to get her feet under her, but Saïx was there—impossibly fast—and slammed his weapon down on her legs. This time there was no doubt. Even over her scream, they could both hear the bones crunch.

He raised his blade high over his head, his eyes meeting hers and showing no sign of recognition or compassion. He intended, she knew, to crush her skull. She felt her face screw up as she closed her eyes, preparing for the blow.

"SAΪX!" Xemnas's voice echoed through the corridors of the castle. "Saïx!"

Both the combatants felt their breath catch. Raxet felt herself trembling. There was no sound, no motion in that tight hallway. When she pried one eye open, Saïx was no longer braced to smush her brains into canned cat food. The madness had left his eyes, and the smile that graced his lips was cruel, but lucid. He was twirling one of her scimitars between his fingers.

"Goodbye, darling," He bid. She swung up to block as he drove the blade deep into her stomach. Her angle was horrible. She scored deeply into the meat of his right arm, but did no other damage, while his blade bit hard into her middle. Saïx didn't even wince, ignoring his wound completely. A darkness door formed, and he stepped backwards into it, still smiling.

"Da…damn…" she choked, trying to pull herself into a sitting position. It was no good. The bones in her shins were completely crushed, and the sword in her gut had been driven all the way through. She fell back to the cold marble, feeling the icy liquid of life pumping determinedly around the silver blade.

She began to cry. She hadn't wanted to die. She'd only wanted to help. She didn't even know if she'd sent Kairi to the right place. Or if she'd gotten there. She'd never tried to open a door for someone else.

What if she'd just accidentally killed the girl?

What if she'd only made things worse?

And now she was going to Fade. She could feel pieces of herself drifting away, splitting apart. She was so frightened. Please, she thought, please, please, please let Naminé be right.I don't want to Fade into nothing…

"Razer?" Axel's voice reverberated to her, bouncing off the bars of the cells that surrounded her. "Raz? Where are you?"

"Axel?" She called back weakly. "Over…over here…."

"Holy damn!" Axel caught sight of her as he rounded the corner, sprinting to her side and kneeling. "Raz…." He seemed at a loss, shaking his head helplessly. He pushed her hood back from her face so he could make eye contact with her. "What…what…"

"I had to do my part," She smiled at him as the heat of his touch baked her forehead. He wiped a tear from her cheek, pulling her hand to his lips and kissing it.

"You should have just stayed put…" he whispered, his voice heavy with pain. "I had it…I had it under control!"

"Did…"

"Shh…yes. Kairi got to the room. She woke me up. I took her to Naminé. They're whole now. But it could have waited!"

"I'm scared…" She whispered, closing her eyes. "I don't want to Fade, Axel."

"It'll be alright," he promised her, massaging her cold hands. It hurt, the heat of his touch against the increasing cold of her body. "You'll be happier when you're whole,"

"You don't understand, you heartless bastard…" she whispered, trying to sound angry and failing. "I was already whole. You're the only piece I needed. You…might as well be my heart…" She didn't have the strength to talk anymore, and she felt the room around her begin to slip from her grasp. She couldn't even feel the scorch of Axel's touch.

Voices drifted to her ears even as all sense fell away.

"_You should hurry,"_ She didn't know that voice. Who else was…it didn't matter anymore, did it?

"Just a minute more…She's Fading. She's almost gone…"

"_But he's still alive. You can't even touch her anymore. Your hand just passed right through hers. Please, Axel. I need you. So does he."_

"…I'm going. There's nothing left for me, either. I'll do everything I can to get Sora into the castle. Then it's up to you."

"_I understand. Thank you."_

"Shut up."

"_What was she to you?'_

"**She's the only woman I ever loved."**


	16. Author's Note! READ!

Hey! Yes, I'm sorry! lots of people (well, as many as talked to me)  
were upset about how I finished this story. (go figure...the girl dies before hearing her true love's confession of true love...yeah I'm a little peeved at that, too)  
But fear not, loyal readers (...inside joke...I know almost no one reads fics with OCs in them) because there is a _**"sequel"**_ of a sorts.  
It won't be out until I finish_ "Axel: The Hidden Chapters"_ though. Why? Because it would give shit away, that's why! **D'oh!**  
Anyway, I'm going to try and get fifteen chapters to **AHC**, but the way things are going it wilil be much longer. Sorry! I'll try to get my act together and cram as much as I can into each chapter, but I like to break chapters up by subjects, which tends to lead to lots of short ones.  
and... I'm ranting!  
My bad. 

Anyway.

_Yes._  
That is, indeed, the END of the story.  
_Yes.  
_I finished it like that.  
_Yes._  
I am a terrible person.  
_No.  
_There were not enough "pink sparklies" to satisfy a true romance fic.  
_No._  
You may not throw tomatoes at me.  
_Yes_.  
I love you too.

:D


End file.
